The last time I was here was exactly a year ago with my then-husband. It's hard to believe that it was only a year ago that I was in this gorgeous place, and that there have been so many hellish and traumatic events that have happened since then. At that time, during that Sedona get-away a year ago, there had been a few hints of what was to come, but for the most part I was oblivious. I was still caught up in loving the man I thought he was and in total denial of the slip-ups in his facade that he'd so masterfully created for me. Denial was such an easy path to follow back then.
Now, looking back, I'm still sad. And I wish I wasn't still so sad. But I tell myself that it's only been about a couple of months since we settled and I put the ugly, sordid Order of Protection case behind me. I guess I'm expected to still be sad. I mean, my heart was not just broken but smashed into a bunch of tiny pieces that I've gradually been putting together.
My heart will heal. I can feel it at times when there is a glimmer of hope, like yesterday when I discovered a new hiking trail that I never knew existed. I hiked for two hours, stumbling upon incredible views of the side of a burning red mountain, or random patches of prickly pear cactus in total bloom. Every time a smile came to my face with each discovery at a turn in the trail, I felt in my heart that things are getting better. I know it will take more time, but any kind of recovery requires patience. And most of all, time.