OOP Survivor Blog
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
You can find more info on this app and how to download it by clicking here.
I really wish technology like this had been around back when I needed it. Please help spread the word that this free app exists. You never know who might be in need...with 1 in 4 American women suffering from domestic violence each year, at some point it might just be you.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I just "stopped by" again, and am touched by your response to my latest comment- You are such an inspiration to me!
I understand your thoughts about not posting as often in order to "move on." But I will look forward to the times when you do post, as all your readers will be interested in your progress and recovery.
I haven't been posting as often on my blog about combat-related PTSD. I had to take a mini-break too. -But I'm always compelled to come back to it, as I know the need for my experience and knowledge is out there.
I commend you for helping that woman overseas. Awesome!! You shine a bright light of hope for all of us who have "been there." I wish you peace, joy and love. Words cannot really express how much I admire you, as a woman, and as a courageous, compassionate human being.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful.
He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. He's a bit shy actually. But he is also good at talking and joking around when alone with me.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that. Also rather shy, but he did manage to tell me that he belongs to Mensa and has a high IQ. He did manage to tell me of lofty plans to have his own business and make a million. Kind of pie in the sky talk.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you
every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends. YEP YEP YEP many many texts, wants to know what I do during the day, one night when I dropped a call and didn't text a while asked "where did you go" seemed to be annoyed that I dropped out of range for a couple of hours.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate
you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch. Never toward ME yet. But I saw the flip as he felt slighted by someone's comment and as waiters in restaurants ignored him. He took it personally and got very grim and sullen. Very unpleasant and persistent mood. Made me feel actually alarmed and scared.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly. YES!!!!
Wants me to meet his parents.
Said he was in love with me.
Said he doesn't want anyone else to touch me!
Mentioned in passing, this would be his commute to work from MY HOUSE. We live 2 hrs apart. He is hinting he'd want to live with me and drive to work from my house. I made no comment. He said it again on the drive. Very weird.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks. He wants to fix his anger problem he says but hopes I will UNDRSTAND him. That is a pity thing.
unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone. I've never felt this in my marriage. That's why I am an easy target.
Sex was unbelievable. He got to me emotionally bec of it.
Ive never felt so desired or loved with my husband...and I constantly want sex with him, and way too soon. And I believed it was LOVE making rather than sex, and he called it that.
Now I feel that maybe I was even just used for sex? I don't know. He said he was in love with me before we were intimate, but we did get intimate very soon. Ironically he couldn't perfrom the first tiem he was so nervous but it was totally fine later.
I don't know what to do.
I think he is a sociopath, but I 'm not sure.
It sounds to me like this guy truly could be a sociopath - there are certainly enough red flags here to raise concern. And the fact that she is concerned is reason enough for her to end it with him....
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Abused seniors turn to
by Brennan Smith - Dec. 8, 2010 12:00 AM
The Arizona Republic
C.J. suffered domestic abuse throughout her
In 2005, she fled her husband in Indiana
and came to the Valley.
The then-62-year-old seemed to have no
place to turn - most domestic-violence
programs and shelters serve younger
women with children.
C.J. lived at Phoenix Sky Harbor International
Airport and in downtown buildings while she
desperately sought assistance. She was
finally referred to the Area Agency on
Aging's DOVES program, which provides
services for older people who are victims of
domestic violence and have run out of
Alice Ghareib, director of DOVES (Domestic
Violence Does Not Respect Age), said older
women are not eligible for assistance
through organizations designed for younger
abused women with children.
"This population, there are no services for
them. There are no other options," Ghareib
said. "The issues of the older population are
unique. We need to be able to provide
services across the board no matter what
the age is."
DOVES helps about 150 senior domestic-
abuse victims yearly with transitional
housing and support groups, while also
"Just because couples turn 50, it doesn't
mean domestic violence goes away," Ghareib
C.J., now 67, said she had endured abuse
most of her life as her husband mentally and
verbally belittled her. Her husband is now
dead, but The Republic is withholding her
full identity to protect her safety.
"Verbal abuse for me, being naive, started at
the beginning of the marriage, and as the
years went by, it got worse and worse," C.J.
said. "I thought I was worth nothing."
In August 2005, she said, her husband
pushed her up against the bathroom wall
and the sink. He began cursing her and
choking her. Finally, she got away to a
friend's house. She decided that night she
The next morning, she took a flight to
Arizona with $75 in her pocket and a bag of
clothes and arrived with nowhere to stay.
DOVES took her in. She was given temporary
housing and began attending support group meetings.
Victims also receive assistance applying for
public benefits, pursuing legal action and
purchasing basic necessities.
The program costs around $350,000
annually and is largely supported by
community and business donations, Ghareib
Season for Sharing has raised about
$30,000 for the program since 2007. It is
one of more than 130 agencies or programs
supported by the annual campaign, which
last year raised $2.86 million to assist
Arizonans in need.
"I can't say enough about the DOVES
program," C.J. said. "If it hadn't been for
them, I don't know where I would be right
now. I really don't."
Asked what advice she would give to a
woman who was suffering the same abuse
she went through, C.J. said she would tell the
woman that it isn't her fault.
"I don't care what you did or what you do,
abuse is never justified," C.J. said. "I would
tell them you have that right to leave, but
only you can make that decision."
Senior-abuse victims are encouraged to call
DOVES at 602-264-4357 for help.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Since 2004, the Avon Foundation has worked to fight against domestic violence by spreading awareness, funding women's shelters and developing education efforts and prevention programs. Reese Witherspoon serves as Avon's Global Ambassador and has traveled all over to spread word of the Avon Foundation's Speak Out Against Domestic Violence campaign. She works hard to let people know that one in three women are targets of domestic violence at one point in their lives.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Today's Article in The Arizona Republic on my police victim services advocate who went to amazing lengths to serve my ex with an Order of Protection
Saturday, September 25, 2010
I was married to a good man for 18 years, and we have three extraordinary children. Unfortunately, we had differences that we couldn't work out and divorced in April of 2008. He remains my good friend and is an excellent father to our children.
Only a few months after our divorce, I met a man who I thought was wonderful, and I quickly fell head over heels for him. An Air Marshal and Army Reservist, he had never married and had no kids. He seemed to love my kids, and when we married six months after we met, it felt natural and right.
But soon after we married, things didn't feel so natural and right. His facade began to crack, and lies started to show through. Such as the fact that he had told me and my children that he had a college degree in Criminal Law, but in reality he had never finished college.
When the verbal abuse started, I was not only horrified, but ashamed and embarrassed. It became apparent that I had made a terrible mistake, and yet I remained in a state of denial for several months as the wonderful man I thought I'd married simply faded away and I no longer recognized my husband through all of the degrading name calling and emotional manipulation. I cried nearly every day of the ten months we were married.
One night in February I called the police to remove him from my home because I was so completely terrified that he would physically hurt me or worse. When the police officers encouraged me to file an Order of Protection against him, that was the first time I'd heard those words.
I soon discovered that filing an Order of Protection against my husband was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was devastating to think that I had to go to that extreme measure to keep myself safe. Especially when I was trying to keep myself safe from the one person who I thought had my best interests at heart. Someone I trusted and opened my entire life to. Someone I believed in. To have to cope with the fact that my husband never really loved me at the same time when I was also dealing with having to file an Order of Protection against him was beyond devastating. It was also an extremely lonely place to be. Sadly, I discovered that for much of the time we were together, he was having an affair with a married woman (who actually provided me with written documentation of their affair). The combination of the abuse and the betrayal have been horrendous to deal with.
I am speaking out and sharing my story with the hopes that I can reach other women who may be hiding in the shadows with their own stories of abuse. The only way to eradicate domestic violence is to lean on each other, stand up, speak out and educate. The main thrust of my message is: you are not to blame and you are not alone.