OOP Survivor Blog

Four women and five children die every day in the U.S. due to domestic violence. Read President Barack Obama's Presidential Proclamation announcing his commitment to reducing the prevalence of domestic violence in our country.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Infidelity only adds to the nightmare

So, my readers ... what would you do if you just found out that your husband had been sleeping with another woman, a married woman no less, while you were dating him and engaged to him, right up until the point when you married him? And, not only that, but he became scarily possessive of her and pursued her even when she wanted to break it off, to the point where she became frightened.

Would you:

a) scream
b) cry hysterically
c) vomit
d) post about it on your Facebook wall

Just curious how other women would handle this....


  1. Kristin, I was reading through your blog. I have to say I am amazed with how similar your story is to my recent marriage (that I am very proud to say I am currently in the process of divorcing). Funny you ask this question. About a year ago I did in fact find out my abuser, "wasband" was cheating on me. Not only did the coward not have the nuts to tell me himself, but I was unfortunately left to find out from the heartbroken women via email. I was so entirely distraught at the time, I didn't even want to believe her so I asked for proof only to receive a second email providing pictures that brought on more shock and pain then I had bargained for. I immediately called him at work at cried hysterically then hung up. Of course, at the time, enthralled in the cycle of abuse, I chose to believe the lies, the manipulation and give him another chance only later to have other women come forward. The irony in all of it was my husband, be it the charming, handsome, convincing fellow that he was did have impeccable taste in the women he so selfishly preyed on. After a lot of anger and unresolved feelings I dealt with it by thanking these courageous women for informing me of his disgusting, self-centered infidelities and found myself, still to this day very close friends with one of them (the first one that came forward). She is an incredible, loving, strong woman and thanks to his cheating I have a wonderful friend. To answer the question though; I did all of the above.

  2. Rosy, CONGRATS on your upcoming divorce!! I am so proud of you!!! Woo hoo! You are breaking free, and that's an incredible feat as well as an extreme challenge.

    I too have made friends with women in my ex-abuser's current and past dating life. That has to be the oddest thing to have resulted from all of this. We all have to gather our strength and awareness and stand up to these awful men and let them know that they cannot continue to abuse women. It's not only just plain morally wrong, it's against the law.

    I'm sending you best wishes, lots of strength and peaceful thoughts as you continue down the path of extricating yourself from your abuser. As you know, life is awesome on the other side. :)