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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Re-visiting the traits of a sociopath with input from a concerned woman

A woman recently emailed me about a new relationship that she is in that has her concerned. She's been dating a guy for a couple of months now and is wondering if he might perhaps be a sociopath. Although I posted the below info from Lovefraud.com in a blog post back in June, she commented on it and shared her current experience (in red). So I'm posting it here. I'm grateful that she took the time to go through the list of sociopathic traits because I think there are probably a lot of women out there who can relate. It's so important to be able to recognize the traits of a sociopath. Although it's estimated that only 4-5 percent of our population are sociopaths, they're still out there, and that number may actually be on the low side.

10 Signs that you’re dating a sociopath

If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful.
He or she might be a sociopath.

1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. He's a bit shy actually. But he is also good at talking and joking around when alone with me.

2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that. Also rather shy, but he did manage to tell me that he belongs to Mensa and has a high IQ. He did manage to tell me of lofty plans to have his own business and make a million. Kind of pie in the sky talk.

3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you
every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends. YEP YEP YEP many many texts, wants to know what I do during the day, one night when I dropped a call and didn't text a while asked "where did you go" seemed to be annoyed that I dropped out of range for a couple of hours.

4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate
you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch. Never toward ME yet. But I saw the flip as he felt slighted by someone's comment and as waiters in restaurants ignored him. He took it personally and got very grim and sullen. Very unpleasant and persistent mood. Made me feel actually alarmed and scared.

5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems. Not yet. Except in talking about three ex wives. It's kind of all their fault. I wish I could talk to them.

6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.

7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.

8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly. YES!!!!

Wants me to meet his parents.
Said he was in love with me.
Said he doesn't want anyone else to touch me!
Mentioned in passing, this would be his commute to work from MY HOUSE. We live 2 hrs apart. He is hinting he'd want to live with me and drive to work from my house. I made no comment. He said it again on the drive. Very weird.

9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks. He wants to fix his anger problem he says but hopes I will UNDRSTAND him. That is a pity thing.

10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is
unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone. I've never felt this in my marriage. That's why I am an easy target.
Sex was unbelievable. He got to me emotionally bec of it.
Ive never felt so desired or loved with my husband...and I constantly want sex with him, and way too soon. And I believed it was LOVE making rather than sex, and he called it that.

Now I feel that maybe I was even just used for sex? I don't know. He said he was in love with me before we were intimate, but we did get intimate very soon. Ironically he couldn't perfrom the first tiem he was so nervous but it was totally fine later.

I don't know what to do.

I think he is a sociopath, but I 'm not sure.

It sounds to me like this guy truly could be a sociopath - there are certainly enough red flags here to raise concern. And the fact that she is concerned is reason enough for her to end it with him....

(For more information on the traits of sociopaths, visit Lovefraud.com. The site was created by freelance writer and book author Donna Andersen, after her own experience being married to a sociopath.)

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