One issue that struck me while I was reading a post on this blog entitled What You Need to Know About Divorce if You Have Been in an Abusive Marriage is the fact that many abuse victims are so caught up in the hellish cycle of abuse that they don't know which end is up. An abused woman may not know if/when her abusive husband is lying, and even when she suspects that he is lying, she still hopes that he isn't. It's that awful fog of denial that prevents many abuse victims from seeing and comprehending what is actually happening to them. By the time it's apparent that a divorce is on the horizon, the abuse victim is often so incredibly exhausted, emotionally drained and terrified about her finances, that she's willing to do just about anything to avoid a nightmarish divorce process.
But when an abusive husband tells his wife that he wants an "amicable" divorce, she can't afford to believe him for a second. Even though it may sound tempting and easy. The truth is, there is no such thing as an amicable divorce with an abusive spouse. It's just not going to happen, and the abuse victim will most likely end up being victimized all over again in the court system.
There are some great tips as well as helpful links throughout this blog - it's well worth checking out.
Hi Kristin - I was thrilled to see this post and your recommendation of my blog! Thank you so much...I probably should edit out the part in which I describe how you are forced to deal with evaluators - "you either squeal like a pig and bend over or suffer dire consequences" :)
ReplyDeleteHope all is well - Deb
LOL!! You've got evaluators pegged.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I could totally relate to this paragraph of your blog post:
"Judges have been given something called 'Discretion.' What this means is that they have been handed carte blanche to do whatever they want in their courtrooms. They do not have to follow the law; they can refuse to look at hard evidence; they can be biased; they can treat you with disrespect,accuse you of lying about abuse and even mock you on the stand; they can deny you your rights to due process. They can break every rule of the Code of Judicial Conduct and get away with it and they do."
So very true, it's absolutely disgusting. I filed a complaint against the Commissioner (a former defense attorney, by the way) who was so clearly biased towards my abuser that she even stopped our court hearing so that she could pull us into her chambers and talk with him "off the record" to warn him that he'd most likely lose his job as an Air Marshal if he proceeded with the hearing. (WTF?!??) She could have cared less about all of the abuse I'd endured that had been proven in court by virtue of the fact that I had an Order of Protection against him.
So, yes, what you write in your blog is not only the absolute truth, it's incredibly insightful and I'm sure will help many victims of domestic abuse as they struggle through our legal system. You are providing a very, very valuable service. Keep it up!!!
Are you no longer posting on your PPD blog?
ReplyDeleteHi, Laura,
ReplyDeleteYes, my PPD blog is still active, it's just been a while since I've posted. My work has been extremely busy lately, and as a single mom of three, the juggling gets to be a challenge at times. But I will be posting on my PPD blog soon. I've got a couple of posts that I've started but just haven't pushed the button on them yet. I'm so glad you're interested in my blogs! :)
Thanks and take care,
Kristin