OOP Survivor Blog

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Signs You're Dating a Sociopath, Courtesy of Lovefraud.com

Lovefraud.com offers a wealth of information on sociopaths, con artists, psychopaths, anti-socials, master-manipulators and the like. It also has a fantastic blog filled with stories from women and experts, and offers great support for women who are recovering from being with a sociopath. Apparently, over 50,000 people visit the site each month, searching for information and help. For any woman who has to file an Order of Protection to remove a sociopath from her life, this site can be a tremendous resource.

One of the site's articles that I think every woman who's dating should have is the following....

10 Signs that you’re dating a sociopath

If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful.
He or she might be a sociopath.

1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.

2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.

3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you
every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.

4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate
you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.

5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.

6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.

7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.

8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.

9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.

10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is
unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.

For more information, visit Lovefraud.com. The site was created by freelance writer and book author Donna Andersen, after her own experience being married to a sociopath.


  1. 1. Charisma and charm.
    He's a bit shy actually. But he is also good at talking and joking around when alone with me.

    2. Enormous ego.

    Also rather shy, but he did manage to tell me that he belongs to Mensa and has a high IQ. He did manage to tell me of lofty plans to have his own business and make a million. Kind of pie in the sky talk.

    3. Overly attentive.

    YEP YEP YEP many many texts, wants to know what I do during the day, one night when I dropped a call and didn't text a while asked "where did you go" seemed to be annoyed that I dropped out of range for a couple of hours.

    4. Jekyll and Hyde personality.

    Never toward ME yet. But I saw the flip as he felt slighted by someone's comment and as waiters in restaurants ignored him. He took it personally and got very grim and sullen. Very unpleasant and persistent mood. Made me feel actually alarmed and scared.

    5. Blame others.
    Not yet. Except in talking about three ex wives. It's kind of all their fault. I wish I could talk to them.

    6. Lies and gaps in the story.
    7. Intense eye contact.
    8. Move fast.


    Wants me to meet his parents.
    Said he was in love with me.
    Said he doesn't want anyone else to touch me!
    Mentioned in passing, this would be his commute to work from MY HOUSE. We live 2 hrs apart. He is hinting he'd want to live with me and drive to work from my house. I made no comment. He said it again on the drive. Very weird.
    9. Pity play.
    He wants to fix his anger problem he says but hopes I will UNDRSTAND him. That is a pity thing.

    10. Sexual magnetism.
    I've never felt this in my marriage. That's why I am an easy target.
    Sex was unbelievable. He got to me emotionally bec of it.
    Ive never felt so desired or loved with my husband...and I constantly want sex with him, and way too soon. And I believed it was LOVE making rather than sex, and he called it that.

    Now I feel that maybe I was even just used for sex? I don't know. He said he was in love with me before we were intimate, but we did get intimate very soon. Ironically he couldn't perfrom the first tiem he was so nervous but it was totally fine later.

    I don't know what to do.

    I think he is a sociopath, but I 'm not sure.

  2. He sure sounds like a sociopath to me!! And remember that in the early part of relationship, people tend to be on their best behavior. Gradually, with time, a sociopath will crack and the facade will fall apart. So even though he hasn't showed his Jeckyll and Hyde personality to you quite yet, the fact that it's exhibiting a little at this point is very scary because it's most likely just under the surface ready to emerge. There are so many red flags here that it's scary.

    If there's a slight indication that he might possibly be a sociopath, which it sounds like there is....you need to turn and RUN. End it. A relationship, especially a new one, should feel good. Since you aren't sure he's a sociopath (and yet you've listed some major red flags here), why are you risking staying with him? The risk is sooo not worth it!!

    I'm concerned for you and interested to know what happens.....

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and sharing your experience! I know it will help other women who read your comment.

    Big hug,